Here are the July '95 LA Cacophony event descriptions from LA's calendar of Cacophony events, TALES FROM THE ZONE.

COMBUSTIBLE TOY WORKSHOP
Saturday, July 15, 3 PM
Get out your safety goggles! It's that time of year again. Preparations for Burning Man festival are underway. Already in some remote corners of the city Cacophonists have begun tinkering with explosives and dreaming fiery fantasies If you've been following Cacophony for a while, you know about Burning Man. Perhaps you attended last year and remember dodging rockets ejaculated by the flaming penises of LA Cacophony's Exploding Clowns. Perhaps you have no idea what we're talking about and need to read the precautionary "About Burning Man" statement below. Whatever the case, you needn't fear the clowns. All the bad clowns were burned up. This year there will be new thrills and perils. This year there will be new toys, lots of toys, a land of toys, all on fire. Imagine an enchanted land where happy elves operate erector-set crematoriums, barbie dolls smoulder on rotiseries, and the funny little Jack-in-the Box spews fire. Right now Toyland is only a dream, but you could help make it a reality. We have a few hundred dollars worth of fireworks, old toys, some prototypes and ideas, but we need your help to build some of the larger toys and death-dealing contraptions. We need brainstorming and old toys and Toyland costumes. We need Toyland helpers to operate flamethrowing devices. We need help transporting all this crap up to the desert. Today will be focusing on building enlarged cardboard replicas of commmon toys like toy trains for the toy trainwreck, jointed puppets to be animated by rockets, as well as handing out some takehome projects. We'll meet several times more throughout the next two months, whatever it takes to realize your fondest childhood dreams of destruction. We want to make you happy. We want to see you smile when your work goes up in flames. Where: Bozonia, 5117 Harold Way More info: Rev. Al (213) 668-0080.

CACOPHONY AT THE BLESSING OF THE CARS
Sat July 22 1 PM
This long-standing tradition of LA's hispanic community has been revived by Laundromat Poetry impressarios Gabriel and Stefanie Balitiera as part of the bitchinest car show in the land of the car. A little lowrider attitude, a little lowbrow artworld savvy raises this annual event head & shoulders over the usual collection of pathetic middle-aged men with too much money & not enough social skills waxing their surrogate love-objects and ensnaring the unwary in long-winded monologs on carburator maintenance. Besides the immense collection of hot rods, custom cars, and toy cars, there will be a gallery of original car-inspired art by Robert Williams, the Pizz, El Magu, Anthony Ausgang, Mario Calvano, and others, as well as live performances of asphalt burnin' tunes by Russel Scott and the Red Hots, The Sun Demons, El Vez, and Zen Daddio. Cacopohony's will have its own body shop next to the gallery, in which a baby-blue '64 Dodge Dart will be collaged with pages from the World Weekly News, the Holy Bible, and whatever paper oddities you care to donate. Free passes are available first come first serve to those ready to spend and hour or so working on the collage car, before they sneak off to enjoy the rest of the show. Call ASAP to participate. Cacophony participants: (213) 668-0080 Rev. Al. General show info: Gabriel, Stefanie (12 people) 663-1265

CHRISTMAS IN A CAVE
Sunday, July 23, 4 PM It's so easy to hate Christmas. We don't have to tell you why. But would it be so easy if someone gave you Christmas cookies shaped like little Anarchy signs and phalluses? What if you had one of those Nativity scenes with all the figures made out of preserved and varnished frogs from Mexico? You could. And what is it about the structure of a Christmas stocking that makes it unable to accomodate shrunken heads, gunpowder, and mind-altering substances? Nothing! There's nothing intrinsically wrong with these things. What's so bad about getting gifts? Getting off work? Getting drunk? These are worthy holiday traditions in anyone's book. We want Christmas, but we want it the way we want it and when we want it, and we don't want to wait. So it's Christmas in July. That's well and good. But it's not quite perverse enough, so we're going one better and setting our party in a cave conveniently located in the vicinity of Griffith Park. Come check out the cave and don't forget something with which to deck the halls, some Christmas eats or drinks, and some sort of gift for exchange (any worthless thing will do as long as it's wrapped.) Those who have no gift fit to bring, or for those just overcranked on holiday spirit, our Cave Christmas host, Tatenda, will be having gift-making workshops July 9, 16 in the afternoon. (Call for details and location) More Info: Ms. Klaus (213) 789-8809